Change!

I have come to RE realize something about me. Change is difficult!!
As humans, I think that we settle in and feel comfortable in our homes, our friends, our jobs, etc. And we hope that everything stays the same because it is comfortable.

Yet, staying the same does not allow for growth. And growth is ESSENTIAL to our lives! So we must embrace the change yes??

I am not the best at this. When change happens, I act like I'm a drowning baby and fling my arms and emotions all over the place trying to find a steady rock to stand on. And truth be told, it's damaged a few relationships because I get a little needy.

HAHA! While I'm writing this I'm thinking of an almost drowning experience that I had this weekend! I went floating down a river with some small rapids. And I hung onto to a friend's tube. At the beginning, I said, I feel like I get sucked under the rapids easier when I'm hanging onto someone else, but let's try it!

Guess what? I got sucked under. Annnnnddddd lost my tube in the MIDDLE of rapids. And all the instruction of 25 years of floating the Rogue River in Oregon came back to me.  Let go, Feet up, forward, and butt up, and float down.  That's what I did. I let go of hanging on for dear life to my friends tube, put my feet up, forward down the river, and butt up so I didn't bang rocks, and floated down.

Sometimes, there isn't a steady rock to stand on in the midst of change, and you have to rely on what is inside you. Faith, confidence, strength.

Change makes me vulnerable and it's frightening. But then I re-meet myself and see who I am inside. And as my dad says, suck in my gut, stick out my chest, and continue forward. It's a scary beautiful thing to be vulnerable and to change.  BUT thunderstorms are my favorite act of nature. Embrace it!

Oh summer!!!! How I love thee!!!

I absolutely adore summers here in Cache Valley! It may be the friends that I am so lucky to have, but mostly I think it's all the activities, Friends, AND attitude! It's perfect! BBQ's, outdoor movies, fireworks every weekend!!!(eek!), swimming, lakes and rivers, flowers and gardens! I just love it!

Which could be why I haven't blogged in the last few weeks?? :)
Here's the skinny. positive affirmations are not reasons to beat up on oneself, they are reasons to look at the mug half full of hot chocolate or glass of half full lemonade and savor the moment. They are ways to look at yourself in a positive manner and be grateful. I've been doing these positive affirmations for 4 years now and I love how my thinking of myself has changed and continues to change, that's why I share them with whatever readers I have.....to remind myself and to help anyone out there.  Look for the italicized affirmations in the rest!!! It's a treasure hunt!

I am capable of providing for myself

Week 8 positive affirmation!!!! Can you believe it?

On the heels of the Mother's Day post, I also received the idea that maybe fellas recognize my independence and they don't feel like I need them in my life. Of course, I pondered that. And it could be true. However, what else is a single woman to do?

As a man earns my trust, he also earns my independence. I once posted about co-dependency a long time ago. I think that it can be a dangerous thing and could possibly be abusive and in a marriage it must be a balance act.  (remember this is my opinions, not actual research or study)

Each individual should act for Themself, considering and evaluating what is the best for the marriage, as well as true to their own self.

For example, I can't rely on my husband's opinions to guide my actions.  I also can't rely on his testimony or beliefs. Our actions and beliefs should be so similar and guided by correct principles that this is not even an issue. We should both have the same end goals in mind. We may approach it differently, but be headed in the same direction together. There will be times that we will disagree, but evaluating the best course with communication and understanding is important and necessary.  

I am a strong independent woman that is 100% capable of providing for myself, yet I want to allow someone the opportunity to do so for me, as far as I trust him completely. For then, I'll will also provide for him.

Plus, it will be so nice to have someone help me keep track of my keys. 

Disclaimer.

I know that I seem an idealist to some. I know a lot of amazing single woman that have tried their best to have wonderful marriages and have been abused and are now sole providers and I am amazed by them every single day. I am not blind to the horrors that can happen in marriages. The pain that my dearest friends have experienced has not only shown me that I can take care of myself, but that I also must be very careful in my dating and choice of who I marry.

Mother's Day - a day unexpected

As a single woman that is 36 and has wanted to be a mother for a very long time, Mother's Day is a hard, dark day. And it is nearly impossible to comfort those that have tender feelings about not being able to be a mother. 

I get so much advice on Mother's Day, that I honestly have heard over and over and over again. 

1. I could adopt

2. Or foster

3. Be inseminated 

4. Not be so picky in choosing a husband

5. Date more

Also I hear this a lot too. That I am already a mother in my heart. And this is so true. How do I explain to all these people that a part of who I am is always missing? 

I got a question this week that was new! How much do I want to be a wife? and I had to think about that because I always focused on being a mommy. I realized this week, that I want to be a wife just a much as I want to be a mom. I want to share my moments with one special person, I want to laugh with that man, share his burdens and frustrations, I want to have that best friend that I annoy and still love at the same time. I want that man that respects me as much as I respect him. A man that cherishes me, that is my partner. 

When I think of my home, I don't think of being a single mom. I think of a complete traditional two parent home. Where my husband and I are partners in raising beautiful littles, and bringing joy, sunshine, and laughter to all those around us. And the one thing that that dream and the ability I have to fulfill it now have in common is simple. 

I want to be who God wants me to be. That's where I find my comfort on Mother's Day.  I can still touch hearts, comfort and lift those around me, and be an example to little children. I can still be the woman of God that I would be as a wife and mother. That love can still fill my heart, because I feel that the Love of God is the kind of love it takes to be a wife and mother. When I do become a wife and mother, it will just magnify so much more. 

My actions reflect my values

This was last weeks positive affirmation.
And last week was hard for me. Blogging about myself is hard to do because it opens myself up to criticism, opinions, and misunderstandings. But I blog because I know that out there, there is someone that feels like I do, and needs the hope that I have found in my life. It also reminds me of how far I've come in my life and gives me hope!

These are my values. I am not always the best at enforcing them in my actions, but positive affirmations are not about what you haven't done but how you are moving forward after recognizing what you have done.

My Values: 

honesty
            authenticity
                               progression
                                                   improvement
                                                                         generosity
                                                                                           playfulness
                                                                                                              laughter
                                                                                                                            friendliness
compassion
                    charity
                                kindness
                                               faith
                                                       hope
                                                               Christianity
                                                                                  appreciation
                                                                                                       beauty in all forms
                                                                                                                                      service