SO
there are many different and varied ways that people date.
- online dating
- texting
- Facebook messenger
- random little hang outs (sometimes the guy pays, sometimes he doesn't)
- motorcycle rides
- drives up the canyon
- movies (which I've heard lately if this is at home is code for making out and cuddling - um IF you're LUCKY! or it's ZERO degrees and that's THE only way to stay warm)
- desserts showing up on your door (I do that because I need to get rid of the sweets)
- firesides (it's a mormon thing)
- ice cream
and my favorite and truest way to date goes like this
GUY: Hi Kelda. Do you have plans Friday night?
Kelda: Nope
GUY: I'd like to spend time with you, would you like to go on a date and get some dinner and go to a show?
Kelda: Heck yeah!!
(Wow, so easy and not confusing).
My biggest annoyance across the board, with men AND women, is a person that inconsistent. This means that they tell you one thing and then completely do another. Of course, women will be somewhat inconsistent because of hormones, but this just means that they are more EXTREMELY who they already are. They aren't changing.
And of course we make mistakes and occasionally do things that we say we won't. This is not what I'm discussing either.
What I'm talking about is when a person finds a way to build your trust in them AS a FRIEND and you open up and find that you have a lot in common. Spiritually, emotionally, goal wise, etc.....and you are SO excited to find a friend to trust and have in your life!!! Someone that has got your back. Someone that will help you stand up for yourself and your beliefs when you are too weak to do so on your own, because they know that you cherish those beliefs and standards.
But then when the time comes for them to do that, they let you fall flat on your face. They abandon your friendship, and instead of being courageous enough and respectful enough to repair that friendship and approach you, they talk about you, ask for others advice on how to deal with you, and eventually abandon you. I have had the privilege of meeting a few of these people, male and female alike. And we claim we are in our 30's and 40's.
And I wonder why it is so hard for some of us to trust people?? Don't make me laugh!!!
I feel that we all need to be kind, considerate, and respectful first to ourselves and then to others. We need to understand who we are as an individual, our weaknesses and strengths, and not be afraid to be honest about who we are. This requires daily and weekly personal reflection and growth and great confidence.
You may be thinking.....Yikes!!! She's harsh! and Yes! I need to be more compassionate and forgiving. And probably not expect so much from people. But I am also very passionate about being a friend, because let's face it, when you're single they are your tribe.
You may be thinking.....Yikes!!! She's harsh! and Yes! I need to be more compassionate and forgiving. And probably not expect so much from people. But I am also very passionate about being a friend, because let's face it, when you're single they are your tribe.
We are taught to love one another as we love ourselves. I'm hard on myself, I'm flawed too. And obviously, I'll admit that. And yes, I need to love myself as well as others more. However, I do my best to have the courage to talk to someone when I feel something is amiss, because my friends are precious to me. I don't care what your standards or morals are, as long as you're a consistent, good, loyal friend. What you say you are should be who you are for the majority of the time except 7 days before your menstrual cycle :)
A good marriage starts with a good friendship. A good marriage is not perfect, you will have those awkward conversations, you will have times when the only thing that you can find to love about your person is the way they dress, but if you are open and honest, you will also respect and love that person SO deeply and compassionately the way Christ meant for us to love everyone.
My favorite companion on my mission was the one that sat down and said, "Sister Frazier, I see you with such great potential that you are not living up too. I will help you be that potential if you choose. If you don't, I will still love you. But I see so much more in you." That was hard for her! It took her two days of prayer and courage to say that to me, but she was right!!! I loved her the most because of her respect for me and her belief in me. Which is probably why I believe so much in a consistent, loving friend. And why I believe in the awkward, open, honest conversation. Let's talk more and go on face-to-face REAL dates and not cover our emotions with laughter, or Facebook comments. Or build a relationship or friendship through media. Let's have honest face-to-face respectful friendships without deceit and pre-judgement. Let's be more loving, forgiving, and accepting, and respect one another's feelings.......(this includes me ;)
Another sweet, amazingly dear friend that I could go on and on about (I'm tearing up thinking of her) had an experience with me. I thought for some reason that she was upset with me and I tried to broach the subject via text (notice it was through media that the incident occured). And her response was a little frustrating and I choose to take offense and be hurt and distance myself from her. She called me a week later and apologized for not talking to me sooner because she had a lot that she was dealing with in her personal life. She told me how much she loved me and treasured our friendship and because of that she should've called the second that I felt something was amiss because my feelings mattered that much to her as did our friendship. I'll never forget how important and loved I felt to her because she told me that I mattered. I learned a lot about forgiveness that day and about how we are all in this life together and should be here for each other and more understanding of one another.
Dump the media, be a friend.
xoxo,
Kelda
PS I'll discuss more about these random dates above!!! :)
A good marriage starts with a good friendship. A good marriage is not perfect, you will have those awkward conversations, you will have times when the only thing that you can find to love about your person is the way they dress, but if you are open and honest, you will also respect and love that person SO deeply and compassionately the way Christ meant for us to love everyone.
My favorite companion on my mission was the one that sat down and said, "Sister Frazier, I see you with such great potential that you are not living up too. I will help you be that potential if you choose. If you don't, I will still love you. But I see so much more in you." That was hard for her! It took her two days of prayer and courage to say that to me, but she was right!!! I loved her the most because of her respect for me and her belief in me. Which is probably why I believe so much in a consistent, loving friend. And why I believe in the awkward, open, honest conversation. Let's talk more and go on face-to-face REAL dates and not cover our emotions with laughter, or Facebook comments. Or build a relationship or friendship through media. Let's have honest face-to-face respectful friendships without deceit and pre-judgement. Let's be more loving, forgiving, and accepting, and respect one another's feelings.......(this includes me ;)
Another sweet, amazingly dear friend that I could go on and on about (I'm tearing up thinking of her) had an experience with me. I thought for some reason that she was upset with me and I tried to broach the subject via text (notice it was through media that the incident occured). And her response was a little frustrating and I choose to take offense and be hurt and distance myself from her. She called me a week later and apologized for not talking to me sooner because she had a lot that she was dealing with in her personal life. She told me how much she loved me and treasured our friendship and because of that she should've called the second that I felt something was amiss because my feelings mattered that much to her as did our friendship. I'll never forget how important and loved I felt to her because she told me that I mattered. I learned a lot about forgiveness that day and about how we are all in this life together and should be here for each other and more understanding of one another.
Dump the media, be a friend.
xoxo,
Kelda
PS I'll discuss more about these random dates above!!! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment